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Treading the Edges
editorial musings
I have long been fascinated by conundrums, including the one that the season of winter arrives only as days begin lengthening. In my personal mythology, winter is the season of turning downward into darkness, a time when the days are short and the absence of light is offset by other wonders. As a long-time inhabitant of northern lands, I reveled in winter wonders such as cascades of snow from enveloping skies or arching aurora borealis on nights so cold it was impossible to distinguish whether my body ached from the temperature or the beauty. But personal mythology is, in fact, only story, just as our known personality and behavior reveal only one possible expression of who we are, only a portion of our wholeness.
This issue of Westwords spotlights Animas Valley Institute's new program, Journey to Wholeness: Navigating with the Nature-Based Map of the Psyche. Several contributors have shared with us their journeys to wholeness in images, words, and song. The question of how we understand our selves is integral to our full expression of being human and members of the more-than-human community.
Recently I was asked by a friend about the difference between confidence and courage. The midlife ending of a relationship had opened him to questions about self-knowledge.
Confidence is, I believe, foremost a knowing about oneself. In it's purest form, confidence has nothing to do with the outer world and relies not at all on the actions or behaviors of others. Rather, it defines an inner state and bearing. Confidence is our own connection to soul, to our knowledge that we, as individuals, are an integral participant in the expansion of the universe and sufficient just the way we are (which, of course, does not eliminate our need to change and grow in order to sustain and enhance our contributions).
Describing confidence simply as an individual trait captures the location where confidence resides but not the specificity of the quality. Consider the contrast, for example, between two different individuals, an eccentric elder and a young zealot. The former presents with an essential truth that is wholly unattached to the way her eccentricities either mesh or conflict with her social world. Her confidence comes from being completely herself. From this place she appears eccentric and raw, yet thoroughly honest. The zealot, on the other hand, has all the confidence and zeal of one who is passionate about his truth and mission, but only in the context of his social world, not because he truly knows his own truth. This person often emanates a sense that, given the right situation (or wrong one), his confidence will either evaporate or shift allegiances.
Courage, on the other hand, is something that allows us to take our individuality out into the broader world and engage with other beings and situations from that place of truly knowing ourselves. Clearly there exists "false courage," all bluster and show stemming only from one's immaturity (this is what most people in our culture would probably call "true courage" and regard as a positive trait). What I refer to as courage, however, arises from our essence, from our soul. True courage does not have any agenda, goal, or motivation beyond bringing our integral true self out from behind the cloaks and wraps of protection and letting it engage the world. Courage, then, is the strength to stand naked before the world -- naked of our adolescent protective shell, ready to move beyond a lifetime of playing small and beyond fear of rejection or criticism. Courage is our capacity to make a stand as our true self and say "this is who I am and precisely who the universe needs me to be."
Soulwork demands both confidence and courage. Every individual must find their own path but, in these dark days that hold the shadow of increasing light, I feel gratitude for soul guides, those who can assist us on our journeys. My utmost respect, though, goes to those who heed the call from the frightening voices inside, the voices that call us to our soulwork, the voices that asks us to examine our personal mythologies and beliefs. These people -- those who heed the call -- are the ones who express the truest essence of confidence and courage.
~ Pete Fonken ~
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Featured Program
Journey to Wholeness: Navigating with the Nature-Based Map of the Psyche
Journey to Wholeness is Animas's new program offering for 2010.
The Nature-Based Map of the Psyche is a holistic model that differentiates four primary dimensions of our wholeness as well as the four kinds of fragmented, wounded, or shadowed parts of our personalities. The Map orients us to a way of understanding and experiencing our psyches as healthy and uniquely human expressions of the universal forces and patterns of nature.
This weekend intensive provides an accessible and highly experiential immersion into the Map, through creative expression, focused time alone in nature, group work, movement, voice dialogue, journaling, and other soulcraft practices.
The Nature-Based Map of the Psyche serves as a guide to the healing and wholing work that is foundational to becoming fully human.
This program will be offered in April, June, and October 2010 in Washington state, Colorado, and Tennessee, respectively. Complete program information and dates are available on the Animas website.
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Upcoming Animas Programs
www.animas.org
February 7-12, Seduced by Earth: Deep Imagination, Soulcraft and the Dreaming of Nature, at the Esalen Institute in California
with Bill Plotkin and Geneen Haugen
Note: This will be one of only two programs with open enrollment that Bill is guiding while he is on his yearlong wandering sabbatical!
February 10-21, Animas Quest, in Death Valley withJade Sherer and Jim Marsden
February 19-20, Inscendence: The Key to the Great Turning, at the Sophia Center in Oakland, Californiawith Bill Plotkin
March 1-5, Sweet Darkness, in Nevada with Peter Scanlan and Annie Bloom
March 18-22, Soulcentric Dreamwork, in Tennesseewith Lauren Chambliss and Jeffrey Allen
March 24-28, Soulcraft Intensive, in California withPeter Scanlan and Jade Sherer
April 9-11, Journey to Wholeness: Navigating with the Nature-Based Map of the Psyche, in Washington withSheila Belanger and Anne Hayden
For more information or to register for these or any other programs, visit the Animas website or contact the Animas office at soulcraft@animas.org / 800-451-6327
The full 2010 program schedule is available on the Animas website.
www.animas.org
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What Is Stalking You?
"Winter's Soul Question"
What stalks your soul? What wildness lurks unseen behind your shoulder?
You are invited to share a brief response to this question for inclusion in the next issue ofWestwords. Soul Questions is an invitation to all in the Animas community with the desire that those who might not otherwise speak up will add their voice to the ongoing conversation.
Send your response to the Westwords editor, Pete Fonken, at pfonken@gmail.com.
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Meeting Geyser
A Personal Journey Using the Nature-Based Map of the Psyche
In a conversation with Bill Plotkin, before he officially introduced the Nature-Based Map of the Psyche, I mentioned having two inner voices, an aggressive voice that made all the decisions and a smaller, quieter voice that occasionally, with little success, asked to be part of the conversation. I had completed my first quest a few years before with an organization other than Animas Valley Institute. It had shown me much and broken me open, but I remained broken and without an understanding of how to do anything about it. At the time, I thought these voices were a bit crazy. Bill suggested that I find a safe place in nature to facilitate a conversation with these two voices.
It took some time to follow this suggestion. My premonitions told m e that this would be, as it was, a dangerous undertaking. The conversation was short and remains burned into my memory and psyche. The smaller voice tentatively asked if she could occasionally have a voice in decisions. The louder voice, sarcastically said, "Yeah, like you can keep us safe. Right. I am going to let you have say!" Imagine a very angry adolescent girl saying this and you will have the tone just right. Itwas the end of the conversation and the beginning of my awakening -- the beginning because I knew, in that moment, that the aggressive voice was right: I did not have the resources to take care of myself nor to live the life I was called to live without that angry teenager. This was devastating, and it was also the first time in my life I had some idea what was wrong. This was an opening I could use. In that moment my old life died, and a new life began. I am thankful every day.
I later learned that this loud, aggressive voice was that of a 12-year-old survivor named Geyser. She had been running my life since that age -- a Loyal Soldier writ large. This meant I had the emotional maturity and inner resources of a 12-year-old. She was also strong, smart, passionate, scared, and angry. Oh my, she was angry. Geyser still is all of those things, but she trusts me now and, though she has her say from time to time, no longer runs my life.
Since that day, conversations with the different aspects of my psyche have become a regular part of my inner work and have fueled nearly all of my inner growth. My smaller, quieter voice has emerged as several strong ones: muse, fool, trickster, and nurturing parent. My wild self is developing. Some voices have names and personalities. Some are animal in nature. My wholeness -- my Self -- is emerging as a distinctive voice. Without this healing and wholing work I would never have developed the resources to undertake the underworld journey necessary for adult initiation. Nor would I have been capable of returning to the underworld with the inner resources needed to glean the gifts and offer the sacrifices necessary.
 It is unlike me to share something so intimate and vulnerable. Geyser is having her say as I write. I choose to do this because I believe that awakening Western culture to the idea of genuine human development, as initiated through the descent to the Underworld, is key to what Bill Plotkin deems the most fundamental need in our current global mission: reinventing the human and relearning to embrace the dream of the Earth. It is not enough, but it is fundamental.
This journey of human development is not a straight line for any of us; it is a spiral, a deepening toward soul and truth throughout our lives. Repeatedly we are asked to grow, strengthen, trust, go to our edge, and surrender to the underworld. Each journey brings us more deeply into alignment with the life we must live and the gifts we have to offer this Earth. My ability to choose this journey for myself began with that first conversation with those two aspects of my psyche. The unfolding and deepening of this journey continues to be tied to inner conversations with different aspects of my psyche.
Parker Palmer tells us, in A Hidden Wholeness, that wholeness comes not in fixing all of our broken parts but, rather, in bringing all of the parts of ourselves into the circle. I had the remarkable good fortune to receive, from a friend, just the right piece of advice I needed to embark on my journey. The new Animas program, Journey to Wholeness, offers an opportunity for everyone to be similarly fortunate, embracing the richest possible inner conversations with the guidance and support of skilled Animas guides. It is not enough, but it is fundamental.
Editor's Note:
The author of this essay, who has been involved extensively with Animas, feels strongly about the value of the new Animas program, Journey to Wholeness. She has chosen anonymity here, partially for privacy and partially because she believes the story itself is more important than whose story it is.
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New Dance
Do not hold me
To any promises down the road
I have surrendered my life
to an inner Love, who moves and pulses
shimmers and weaves
To the music of some Mind's ear . . .
I must follow the Dance.
Hear me with your heart,
Feel me with the caring caress of
cool mountain water over weary feet-
I am coming to know who I am
behind name, behind concept, behind role.
This movement that I am; a Mysterious pattern
that longs and longs to express itself in the world
speaks a language in which I'm not yet fluent
It is the language of stars, and mud, of wind and water.
I must be still to learn its poetry
To be in this Dance is my deepest yearning
Each of us has her own.
When we listen and move from this Source
Then souls dance together
And promises have no meaning.
~ Kinde Nebeker ~
Kinde Nebeker is a graphic designer and a 'deep structure' community activist with a Master's degree in Transpersonal Psychology with an emphasis in Ecopsychology from Naropa University. Most recently she traveled on the Underworld Journey with Animas Valley Institute. She is a budding wilderness rites of passage guide who secretly plots about infusing the academic world with the gems of her soul work experiences. Her greatest interest is how the power of art, community and nature can assist us into moving to a sustainable society. More about Kinde can be found at www.kindenebekerdesign.com
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The War is Over
A Song
This is for the loyal soldier
Who has fought the battle well
Defending and protecting
From the fiery stones of hell
In this season of surrender
Won't you lay your weapon down
Turn a sword into a plowshare
Turn an ear, now, to the ground
The war is over, the battle done
The broken hearted have started to put back the pieces as one
From all directions the earth will dawn
The celebrating is waiting for someone like you to climb on
This is for the wounded children
Who are victims of our sins
Perpetrated by a neighbor, 
Perfect stranger, next of kin
You can come out of your hiding
It is safe now once again
You're surrounded by the Spirit
Whispering wild upon the wind
Refrain
For the souls out in the shadows
Who are lurking in the dark
Glaring at us from the gallows
Always wary of a spark
Now's the time to show your faces
See, the house is burning down
You're beloved in all your places
What was lost is finally found
Refrain
To the dealer and the addict
Who anesthetize the pain
Pushing pills and other static
Standing thirsty in the rain
Time to claim your higher power
Time to learn to feel once more
Time to stop and smell the flowers
That are bursting through the floor
Refrain
~ Joel Blunk ~
Joel Blunk is an Associate Pastor at State College Presbyterian Church in Pennsylvania. This song came to him during a Soulcraft Intensive last March and has helped him continue his connection to that experience. Having recorded this song, self-accompanied with guitar and harmonica, he has recently played it publicly with very positive response.
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Underworld Unraveling:
A Visual Dream-Image Journey
I am outdoors talking and standing in front of a large group of people who are seated. This group reminds me of the group that I was welcoming to our last community Sacred Celebration three nights ago, where I was also standing and they were seated. While I am talking, all of a sudden a 5-6 foot hole opens up between me and this group of people. And amazingly a young budding flower emerges, but only the tip of the budding flower is revealed, I can also see its green pointy pod petals that surround and encase the seductive flower. The flower bobs up and down, getting my attention, and then ducks back down into the hole. I walk over to the opening and peer down.
Something invites me to jump into the hole, to follow the budding flower. I am free falling in this dark hole for what seems like forever, and I'm surprised that I am not in total terror!
I notice that the walls are alive in a magical, earthy way, and I feel embraced, held by something unseen as I fall.
The dream stayed with me so vividly that whole day while I was at work. When I got home later that evening, I easily found my way back into the dream. As I turned the lights off in my living room, I moved my body and slightly danced until I was back into the free fall in the dark hole.
Finally, I land at the bottom of the hole and stand up. I am in this underground chamber/garden. It is made for me. It is a dark and very mysterious place! I notice these vertical bands in the dark walls that are bulging and radiating with some mysterious life force which seems the source of everything. They are green, white, red, gold and yellow. Somehow I know to start gathering some of them up at their base.
Once I gather a good amount, I pour them onto my head. It is like a shower from the beginning of time! I am coating myself with some kind of source. I imagine that this coating is preparing me for a coccooning period.
My dancing becomes more constricted as I imagine myself in a cocoon/pod underground where I will be for the next few years as I dream, die, remember, listen, work and gather Earth wisdom. In this cocoon, I imagine that I will be cooked. Earth will dream through me. My imago self will emerge some day, in stronger communion with Earth, and with purpose!
This is the image that came to me as I was getting chewed on simultaneously by the past (sacred wound), the present (world unraveling), and the future (possible total collapse).
I have been imagining that someday there will be an eighth-day image of the never-before-seen budding flower come full circle out of the hole.
~ Doug Van Houten ~
Doug VanHouten is an artist, graphic designer, guide, beekeeper who lives in Louisville, Kentucky, when he is not out exploring the wilds of nature and his soul. He has participated extensively in Animas programs and will be co-guiding an Animas Quest in September. He is also a member of the Animas Marketing Team. More of his work can be seen on at www.dougvanhouten.com
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this pear, that lie
(vision fast, Mt. Lineaus, Utah)
there is something stirring in the roots
beneath the stream bed
the roots of aspens
entangled in hundreds of years of family,
shepherd markings and bear scratches
scars like graffiti in the wilderness
here, I take a deep breath of damp grass
tiny webbed feet pad along earthen tunnels
tunnels around my heart
excavated, mined for blood and memory
here, I know
things must fall
this pear, that lie
four days of no food, four days of dreamtime
and now I know about getting lost, seventeen shooting stars,
the stained glass window, the dragonfly glistening on the rock in the rushing stream,
the bear in the white house
Quilthead Man in my dreams
scrub oak neighbor, I hear you beat your drum and
shake the rattle of the broken pieces of you
I cry for knowing something of myself, too
alone in the dark, my heart turns
an owl's head in the altar of my torso
cricket scrapes out singing truth
it seems it is always four am
third day, no food, scorching sun on the mountaintop
the extraordinary effort of all movement stops time
I swallow tears down the parched paper tube of my throat
fall to my knees
suddenly knowing the lie I've been living
I am an immigrant crossing deserts for work
loving life and family
more than fearing
thirst, hunger, desiccation, deportation
it is time to discard ambiguity
embrace the contradictions
of living a joyful life
the lie breaks open my heart
roots and tunnels collapsing
a fresh light falls gently,
dappled sun setting on roots unearthed
by fabulous aching longing
an young elk bull looks me in the eye
an armored grasshopper blinks
my water feelings, my earth body, my dancing spirit
reorganize at the atomic level
shifting graffiti art
in the trainyard of finding which track goes home
the flycatcher's last call before dark--
I must sing!
hug the sky, it's pink breath cradling cranes
weave a wedding band of purple mountain lupines
for all the pieces of broken hearts joined
with the earth mother
tend the fires of letting go all night
breathe the stars, ancient blue
wandering soul ghosts, awaken!
rejoin the circle of family
more stories! more stories!
mirrors in the house are redundant
gather instead: nine strangers, three elders,
fire, sage, bread,
an evening of stories:
mirrors so lush
your ribs vibrate with desire
for kissing wholeness
there are only two words left to say
love
and
again
~ Galaxy Bentley ~
Nature enthusiast and traveler Galaxy Bentley discovered Animas when Soulcraft nearly jumped off the shelf at her in a bookstore. Having been a cloistered academic most of her life, Galaxy is now forever changed by her nature-based encounter with soul, and passionately continues the path of immersion in the natural world.
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Deer in Dark Water
~ Steven Gambill ~
Stephen Gambill is a Texas artist who works in painting, sculpture and sometimes photography and poetry. He has created ritual for a men's right of passage event which offers several times each year. This work has led him to Bill Plotkin's writing. He feels drawn to deeper work with ritual and descent, and looks forward to the adventure of experiencing programs with Animas.
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Submissions for Westwords!
Westwords is seeking contributions of YOUR cutting-edge, soul-inspired expression to share within the Animas virtual community. Stories, poetry, photos, soul-inspired visual art, music, articles, and other express  ions are welcomed. We are calling both the bold and the shy to bring their offerings to create a feast that may inspire, sustain, and inform this community as we participate in the Great Turning.
Please send inquiries and submissions to the Westwordseditor, Pete Fonken at pfonken@gmail.com.
Deadline for submissions to be included in the Spring issue is March 15, 2010. Submissions received after that date may be included in subsequent quarterly issues. |
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